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In modern society with access to seen billions of peoples lives, well their best lives, through social media, so many people start to chase the dreams of others or go after jobs they don’t really want because they perceive the money and status to be more important. This can often lead to short term happiness but long-term misery and frustration.
Often people will buy a new car as Dave across the street just upgraded or you chase a new job as the title and pay is better. However, often people are left empty once they obtain it as they don’t really care about cars and now have a big monthly outgoing to cover it or their new job means they don’t get to engage with customers like they used to.
There are millions of jobs and cars and holidays etc. in the world, you can choose what you want and it’s ok if others don’t agree. We are all unique, so make yourself happy!
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life” – Confucius
The trouble is though, what do you really want? You’ve spend years being brain washed with social norms, your parents and social media that it can be very hard to uncover what you really want in life.
I used to have this exact same struggle. However, after doing the below process, and some more activities, I discovered my purpose and that led to starting IT Hive Mind
“Many of us think we know what is important to us, but that can be clouded but societal expectations and many other influences.”, “We need to dig a little deeper to work it out properly and genuinely.” - Dr John Demartini
In order to really understand yourself and uncover your values you need to ask yourself the following 13 questions. In order to get the most out of this exercise I recommend you set aside some time either early in the morning or in the evening when you can be alone and really focus on the questions.
Go through the questions in order and ideally try to think of at least 3-5 things for each question. This might take a while and might make you frustrated, however, this is the whole point as you need to get into your deep thoughts and not those on the surface that have been driven into you by others. As you go through, make a note of the answers in excel or google sheets
1. What do you fill your primary personal or professional space with most?
What takes pride of place in your home or office?
What do you always keep closest to you or on you?
What items stand out in your personal/professional space?
2. How do you spend your time primarily when you are awake?
What are the three things you spend your time on most, in order?
What do you make time for in your day?
3. How do you spend your energy most and what energises you most?
What do you find energy for most even after a busy day?
4. How do you spend your money?
What are the three consistent things you spend your money on most?
5. Where are you most organised and ordered?
Where are you ordered and organised most and what are the three things that you are most organised in?
6. Where are you most reliable, disciplined and focused?
What would a friend or colleague say that you always deliver on?
7. What do you inwardly think about most?
What are the three things that dominate your thoughts?
8. What do you visualise, and then realise, most?
What do you visualise about your life or work that you love that are starting to come true?
What do you internally dialogue with yourself about most that is meaningful and that is gradually coming true?
9. What do you internally dialogue with yourself about most?
What do you internally dialogue with yourself about most that is meaningful and that is gradually coming true?
10. What do you talk about most to others in social settings?
What are the three things you converse with others about most?
11. What inspires you most?
Are there people, organisations or ideals that inspire you?
What do they have in common?
12. What are your most consistent long-term goals that are coming true?
What are the big goals that you work on and are gradually starting to come true?
13. What do you love learning, reading, studying or listening about most?
What topics inspire you to pick up a book, video, or podcast and learn?
What doesn’t feel like learning as you enjoy?
Once you’ve completed this, leave it a couple of days then go back and review the questions again. This step is important as often we answer questions with the specific mood or mindset that we are in on the day, going back again helps to ensure a more well-rounded answer
From the list you compiled from the questions, I want you to pick out the words which stand out to be the most important in your life (repeats, similar, and synonyms) and put them in the order of most important (most common or most repeats) all the way down to what is least important (least common or least repeats). Tally up the most common words and it will determine your hierarchy of values. Most common/repeats = Highest Values
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Check to see if these selected values are also your greatest voids (what you think most missing). Make sure they match up with your highest values. Remember your perceived voids give rise to your values.
From here you now have the values you stand for and these can be referred to whenever you have a decision to make or you are seeking to understand why something frustrates you.
For example, if one of your values is financial stability, when you’re considering a big purchase, like a larger house, larger house = larger mortgage, you may feel uncomfortable with the higher risk to your ability to meet the monthly charges
It’s very beneficial to repeat the above process every 3 month and keep a record of your values changing over time. With every change in value comes an identity crisis and a refinement of direction.
Now you know what values you have, start to review your job and your life.
Do they align?
What could you change to start to make you happier?
What should you stop doing?
Let me know how you get on and feel free to reach out if you have any questions or topics you’d like to hear about
If you liked this newsletter, please share and let you friends and colleagues know about it as I’d love to help more people!
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